Saturday, February 27, 2010

Stupid In Love. Part 10.

Hii my loves, I’m writing this at 1:30am, not my usual writing time, and my mind isn’t set in the right moment.. I’m writing this to keep you all involved in my life.

I’m sorry that I have neglected you lately, I’m sorry I haven’t been replying to your comments, or any of those things; but my life has been spiraling downwards instead of being a stairway to heaven. Things are ranging from family problems like fight with my mother, to stress of school which is causing me to break down every once in a while.. I hope you understand and can stand by me while I try to fix things and get them back in order. I’ll be continuing and posting parts as much as I can, but if I don’t post for a while, and leave you all hanging, please understand that it isn’t my choice, that things have just gone out of hand at that point..

Any way, here’s part 10:)


Like I last said, Na9er was jealous. Yes, my picture made him jealous.

See, my picture was of me in a tank top, A7med liked it, he liked it A LOT, stating that he liked my cleavage and that he had a thing for “big boobs”, and being Na9er’s cousin, and practically inseparable before that summer, he knows him pretty damn well, if you know what I mean..

“What’s your problem?!” I asked Na9er

“Nothing!” he typed

“Mu ma3qoula nothing! Wtf is your problem?! Seriously!” I was infuriated! Who was he to be throwing fits at stuff he didn’t even have a say in?!

“This is my problem!” he said

“What is?!” I asked, “stop speaking in codes and just come out and say it!”

“Stop putting provocative pictures of you as your display pictures!” he told me

“Winta shaku?!” I told him

“3ashan kil il shabab ishoufouna?! That’s why you’re putting them as your dp! I know!” he told me

“Shaku shabab?!” I told him

“Your ex! He won’t see?!” He asked me

“La2, he won’t see! La2na the only way I talk to him is when my friend invites him into a convo!” I yelled

“Eeeeee 9a7!” he told me

“You want to get on my email ba3ed to check?!” I told him

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.” I read

What the.. Who the hell is he to say he wants to get on?! I just said that as a way to show him I have nothing to hide, not to literally allow him to get on my email and see whom I talk to and what not, my own mother doesn’t do that!!

“Fine! Here’s my password *$&%()#&%” I gave it to him

“Bes inta shaku who I talk to?! You’re acting like you’re my fucking boyfriend when all you are to me is my friend! Shilee 7arak about who I talk to?!” I asked, yeah, I got the nerve to ask him that, can you believe it?!

“You’re right..” was what he replied to my statement

“No, get on, I have nothing to hide!” I yelled

“La 5ala9 mabii” he told me

“Okay.” I said

that was the last thing we told each other on MSN that night..

I talked to my friends, I talked to his cousin, it was all good.. I got off and went to bed without as much as saying “Goodbye and good night” to him, just poof! Offline:)


Later on, another fight occurred, honestly, I don’t remember what, but if my memory serves me right, about that same ex..

Na9er accused me of lying, saying that I told him that I only talk to him and his cousin, which is true when it comes to phone! Come on, I’m in a mixed school! I have facebook, I have MSN with my classmates and previous classmates on it! Inshallah mu nawii amsa7 all the guys that were like brother to me 3ashan siwad 3youna?!

You wanna know what happened..?

I cried, I cried for a week, I cried everyday when I got home after school.. I’d lock myself in my bathroom, turn on the shower, sit under the shower head, hugging my knees and let the water rush down on top of me. My tears would blend in with the hot water and so I didn’t feel them coming down. I cried until my breaths were like 2 seconds apart from each other..

I kept sending him messages, apologizing, saying he had a point, saying that I thought he meant on the phone, and not in general.. He ignored.. or he’d say okay..

Until at one point, he finally called..


How many of you readers has witnessed love, or has fallen in love? Felt it? Lusted for it? Craved for it from your crush? Craved it from anyone at all, including your own mother or father.. To those of you who haven’t, do you think you know love? Honestly, I think I have fallen in love, but to this day, I don’t know if it’s what you call love, or just attention..

They say love is an intense feeling of deep affection, that’s the dictionary meaning anyway.. But what’s the true meaning of love? I’ve heard it’s when you feel butterflies, when everything around you feels like a dream when you’re with them, when their voice makes you smile, when, when, you have no words to explain what you’re feeling.. That’s what I’ve heard, that’s what I felt with Na9er.. Yet after many failed attempts, and many, many heartbreaks later, I realized, I don’t want to fall in love, not until I know I can spend the rest of my God forsaken life with that person, to start a family, to make everything okay, once and for all..

Sometimes love doesn’t always work out.. I know that for a fact, as someone I know married the one they loved then, and now is getting a divorce, even when their parents didn’t approve of them being together, they fought to be together, and now that they were together, being together was hard, they don’t want it anymore, and so, the big piles of divorce papers, and dividing everything has started, lets just thank the lord that no kids are involved in this..

Okay, I think I went off track.. Just answer my question if you may.. What is love to YOU?



Part 10! :)

I hope you liked it!:)  I know I sort of when off track at the last part, and it isn’t a long post, but hey, it’s late, the sand man has finally gotten to his job and is making me sleepy..

Please don’t hesitate to contact me, in anyway possible, either via twitter, email, or even on here!:) I promise I’ll try to get back to you all as soon as I can, if I don’t, please understand and be patient with me..

I love you all to bits, you’re the only ones that are keeping me going at this very moment;*

Again, I love you;*

Until next time;

Stay safe my loves;*



  1. Awwww!! 7abeeebtyy it's ok! don't worry;* it's just nice to know that you're ok. o I hope things work out with your parents, and all the problems you are facing;* .. ma 3alaih! that's life;* "Loma El7ezin bady ma nifham elfar7a" right? ;) .. ;;** ,, o as for the love question .. I believe in love. bs ma a7isa always two sided. it's mostly one sided. but like..*sigh:p* umm ,, listen to "love is" by mary j. blige ;) .. as for my opinion ,, I think love is what keeps us happy, and when you're loved. you actually love yourself. So love is .. MA2ADRYYY XD! Bs love iisss .. well .. WAAII33 MANYY GADRAA AGOUUULL :P! LOVE IS!!! something I dream of! the reason I live! The thing I'm waiting for! The thing I think I'll be really good at! It's when "someone" means so much to you, and you think about that someone all the time, dream about him every night! ugh! god knows I've been there! I just don't know if it's love or just hormones :p ,, LOVE IS A SANCTUARY! I love love :p loool,,gargaaa ;p ma 3alaih, I just couldn't find the right words, ambaih ma itakhiylain cham mara misa7t o radait kitabt :p

  2. The truth: Thank you:* I'm so happy to know I have someone like you backing me up:** See with us, in our community, love is what we have after marriage, ya inich tigdireen it3eesheen with the man you shall marry and have feeling for him with time, or il 3eesha ma3a isti7ala. THAT'S our context of love in our community unfortunately.. and honey, you can write as much as you want, I'll read it, and it'll put a smile on my face:*

    I love you and stay safe:*


  3. Ya galbii take ur time dnt worry, ;**
    'nd I'll b waitn for ur posts ;) i dnt think iv ever been in luv :$

  4. SuziQ: 7ayatii intay:* Thank you, you don't now how much all this means to me:* I'll post soon inshallah:) and if you haven't, I say keep it that way until you can stay with them forever.. You don't want to witness heartbreak..

  5. Well yeah, ana a7is enny akhaf a7ib coz I know I will never forget it 3araftay?! b3dain I'll be stuck with a husband I imagine myself with my first love so that I seem "normal" with him! fa yeah .. I just have this HUGE crush madryy shfenyy :P! bs inshallah I'll get over it! ENSHALLAAH! ed3oulyy (A)!:P! O I know FOR SURE!! I will not do anything! coz 7addyy khawafaa you can't imagine ishkithiiir :P! o I don't want to look like an idiot! ,, IDK! 3ady 3ady :p bachir I'll forget about him :p (ENSHALLAH:p)
    I like commenting here;**

  6. The Truth: Your first love is the hardest to forget.. I won't get you into details because it'll scare you:p but just be very careful with who you fall in love with, if you're close with your mother, I suggest telling her, it will make the process so much easier because she knows what's good for you, and ay rayal byi9la7lich.. BUT don't tell her that you meet at some places:p that's MAJOR taboo! :p Haha;p I'm glad you do:* I'm here for you if you need anything:) Tweet me or email me! :) ( or don't hesitate if you need anything! :)


  7. I wish you best with ur family and studies babe i HOPE everything goes well..Bs pleaseeee La et6awleeen 3alaina..Do you know what i like about ur blog? Its different lana a7es ur genuine and real.Ur true to urself..

    About Love..I have fallen in love..Call it unrequited love;p Bas the things I felt for him was beyond what I felt for any other person. Its love when you cant picture a day without that some1, he's the first thing that comes to ur mind when u awaken, the last b4 u go to sleep and he occupies the space in between. You mood changes according to his,,when he is happy you are more than happy when he is down it makes u sad and u blame urself eventhough the reason behind his sadness is something else and u know it.. Bas lama ur down w bas tesm3een 9oota tensain el denya w mafeha Thats love to me.. and yeaah I do believe what u had for N is pure love

  8. Secerts: Thank you for your kind words. When you're true to yourself, you hope that everyone else will be true to you, no? Honestly, I was talking to a friend earlier about that.. I loved loved loved N. Something about him just made everything okay. As my story goes on, you'll understand more of why it did, and such, but love, is a feeling I want to avoid for now.. Not because it's not an amazing sensation we deserve to feel, but because the hurt after it, is so much more overwhelming than the feeling of love itself..

    Stay safe:*


  9. I know this feeling;/ that this one person can be ur everythin..and so just u know am goin through the overwhelming phase right now..its like the wind is knocked from me..

    Know that u r not alone babe..Everythin happens for a reasons and the scares should be worn as badges of honour becuz u learned something, felt somethin u never felt b4,this hurt made u who u r...

    Wish u the best


  10. Secerts: I'm sorry you're going through that my love, but know I'm here for you whenever you need to talk:* I know that feeling so well, that remembering something brings that feeling back. But also, you need closure, I know that from experience. Put it out on the table once and for all how you loved him and all of that, and let him tell you why he did what he did or why whatever has happened, happened. That way, you'll know there's an easier way to let go. I'm here for you if you need me:*

    I love you;