Hii my loves, I’m writing this at 1:30am, not my usual writing time, and my mind isn’t set in the right moment.. I’m writing this to keep you all involved in my life.
I’m sorry that I have neglected you lately, I’m sorry I haven’t been replying to your comments, or any of those things; but my life has been spiraling downwards instead of being a stairway to heaven. Things are ranging from family problems like fight with my mother, to stress of school which is causing me to break down every once in a while.. I hope you understand and can stand by me while I try to fix things and get them back in order. I’ll be continuing and posting parts as much as I can, but if I don’t post for a while, and leave you all hanging, please understand that it isn’t my choice, that things have just gone out of hand at that point..
Like I last said, Na9er was jealous. Yes, my picture made him jealous.
See, my picture was of me in a tank top, A7med liked it, he liked it A LOT, stating that he liked my cleavage and that he had a thing for “big boobs”, and being Na9er’s cousin, and practically inseparable before that summer, he knows him pretty damn well, if you know what I mean..
“What’s your problem?!” I asked Na9er
“Nothing!” he typed
“Mu ma3qoula nothing! Wtf is your problem?! Seriously!” I was infuriated! Who was he to be throwing fits at stuff he didn’t even have a say in?!
“This is my problem!” he said
“What is?!” I asked, “stop speaking in codes and just come out and say it!”
“Stop putting provocative pictures of you as your display pictures!” he told me
“Winta shaku?!” I told him
“3ashan kil il shabab ishoufouna?! That’s why you’re putting them as your dp! I know!” he told me
“Shaku shabab?!” I told him
“Your ex! He won’t see?!” He asked me
“La2, he won’t see! La2na the only way I talk to him is when my friend invites him into a convo!” I yelled
“Eeeeee 9a7!” he told me
“You want to get on my email ba3ed to check?!” I told him
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.” I read
What the.. Who the hell is he to say he wants to get on?! I just said that as a way to show him I have nothing to hide, not to literally allow him to get on my email and see whom I talk to and what not, my own mother doesn’t do that!!
“Fine! Here’s my password *$&%()#&%” I gave it to him
“Bes inta shaku who I talk to?! You’re acting like you’re my fucking boyfriend when all you are to me is my friend! Shilee 7arak about who I talk to?!” I asked, yeah, I got the nerve to ask him that, can you believe it?!
“You’re right..” was what he replied to my statement
“No, get on, I have nothing to hide!” I yelled
“La 5ala9 mabii” he told me
“Okay.” I said
that was the last thing we told each other on MSN that night..
I talked to my friends, I talked to his cousin, it was all good.. I got off and went to bed without as much as saying “Goodbye and good night” to him, just poof! Offline:)
Later on, another fight occurred, honestly, I don’t remember what, but if my memory serves me right, about that same ex..
Na9er accused me of lying, saying that I told him that I only talk to him and his cousin, which is true when it comes to phone! Come on, I’m in a mixed school! I have facebook, I have MSN with my classmates and previous classmates on it! Inshallah mu nawii amsa7 all the guys that were like brother to me 3ashan siwad 3youna?!
You wanna know what happened..?
I cried, I cried for a week, I cried everyday when I got home after school.. I’d lock myself in my bathroom, turn on the shower, sit under the shower head, hugging my knees and let the water rush down on top of me. My tears would blend in with the hot water and so I didn’t feel them coming down. I cried until my breaths were like 2 seconds apart from each other..
I kept sending him messages, apologizing, saying he had a point, saying that I thought he meant on the phone, and not in general.. He ignored.. or he’d say okay..
Until at one point, he finally called..
How many of you readers has witnessed love, or has fallen in love? Felt it? Lusted for it? Craved for it from your crush? Craved it from anyone at all, including your own mother or father.. To those of you who haven’t, do you think you know love? Honestly, I think I have fallen in love, but to this day, I don’t know if it’s what you call love, or just attention..
They say love is an intense feeling of deep affection, that’s the dictionary meaning anyway.. But what’s the true meaning of love? I’ve heard it’s when you feel butterflies, when everything around you feels like a dream when you’re with them, when their voice makes you smile, when, when, you have no words to explain what you’re feeling.. That’s what I’ve heard, that’s what I felt with Na9er.. Yet after many failed attempts, and many, many heartbreaks later, I realized, I don’t want to fall in love, not until I know I can spend the rest of my God forsaken life with that person, to start a family, to make everything okay, once and for all..
Sometimes love doesn’t always work out.. I know that for a fact, as someone I know married the one they loved then, and now is getting a divorce, even when their parents didn’t approve of them being together, they fought to be together, and now that they were together, being together was hard, they don’t want it anymore, and so, the big piles of divorce papers, and dividing everything has started, lets just thank the lord that no kids are involved in this..
Okay, I think I went off track.. Just answer my question if you may.. What is love to YOU?
Part 10! :)
I hope you liked it!:) I know I sort of when off track at the last part, and it isn’t a long post, but hey, it’s late, the sand man has finally gotten to his job and is making me sleepy..
Please don’t hesitate to contact me, in anyway possible, either via twitter, email, or even on here!:) I promise I’ll try to get back to you all as soon as I can, if I don’t, please understand and be patient with me..
I love you all to bits, you’re the only ones that are keeping me going at this very moment;*
Again, I love you;*
Until next time;
Stay safe my loves;*