Saturday, January 14, 2012
Some other stuff..
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Stupid In Love. Epilogue.
With much anticipation.. Here you go.. It might sound a little out of track at times, but once you get through it all, you'll understand:)
Here we go.. xx
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After Na9er, a lot of things changed.. Both for the better and for the worse..
I lost a love, but I gained a friend. I lost friends, but I gained so much more friends, and I gained strength. I gained the ability to believe in myself more.
I lost Na9er as my lover, but I gained him as a friend. Sure, I miss how we used to constantly text and call each other, but he still calls me at random times, and I still text him at random times too.. Na9er's voice still has a strong affect on me. It gives me tingles and butterflies that are like shock waves throughout every inch of my body.. But el7imdallah, I have something called self control, asta7mil nafsii o kil a7asisi le2ana our friendship is important to me.
Remember in the very beginning of the story, I told you about the time I saw Na9er with Jawa and 3anoud? And how I wish I knew then what I knew now? Well yes, everything between me and Jawa came spiraling downwards a few months after Na9er..
It came up to the point of my birthday, Na9er forgot my birthday, tithayegt.. I'm not going to deny it and say that it didn't matter to me, because it did.. His birthday was still a few months away but I still remembered it and I would call or send him a message at the least saying happy birthday! Wela etha ma gedart, at the least I would get my ass up and wish him a happy birthday via MSN.. I told Jawa, I told her he didn't wish me a happy birthday, and she told me to ignore him, he's not worth it, mu lazim a7arig a39abii o ajra7 nafsii 3alaih..
"you're right.." I told Jawa, "mashkoura 7abeebtii, wallah madrii shasawii bidounich!" I pouted and hugged Jawa
"Hahaha! Shda3wa 7abeebtii!" she hugged me back and kissed my cheek
I didn't expect shit from Na9er after that.. Because when you get your hopes up, they always - well not always, but most of the time - they get shattered.. So I didn't talk to him, I didn't need to talk to him.. It's not like I'm going to get a birthday kiss, or birthday sex, or anything at all from him :)
But two days after my conversation with Jawa;
Na9er;* says: hey, Happy Birthday, I'm sorry I didn't tell you the other day but I was going through a lot of shit
M says: hii, thanks, don't worry about it:)
Na9er;* says: kk
Goul wallah? That's it? I would at the least expect you to say sorry one more time Na9er!
I told Jawa, actually I copy-pasted the conversation to Jawa.
"Ashwah, galich. L2na ana zafaytah, I told him that even though you're not together he should at least have the decency to wish you a happy birthday!" she told me
Welaw ma yet min Na9er ebnafsah, it still felt like something, so I thanked Jawa, she knew how to make things better, 7eta etha kan shibir bes..
But back to how things started spiraling downward..
Jawa was with someone, but that's a whole other story, and its not for me to tell.. Its not my story or secret.. Its hers.. O e7tiraman laha, I'll just state the points where it had us in a jam..
The first time ever that someone saw me, he told Jawa that he thought that I was hot.. He shouldn't have said that, because as a girl, ra7 ykoun feeh gheera! It's only natural! Also, he brought his friend along with him, so it wouldn't be awkward with the 3 of us.. His friend was "tikana" or more like thijeel, mu ebsir3a e6ayi7 elmiyana.. You get what I mean?
Well guess what? Within 10 minutes he was laughing with me and we were joking around! I'm like that, when you get to know me, you'll see I'm not how people put me!
Later, as time went on, we found out he was cheating on Jawa.. I didn't like it, AT ALL! I kept pressuring her to leave him.. Because she deserves someone so much better! I guess Jawa took it the wrong way.. She slowly stopped telling me about what was happening with them.. I used to find out from 3anoud.. Elbint makant tadrii enii makint adrii.. But I acted like I knew everything..
Honestly, I got sick of that; aren't I your best friend?! Wela kan bes esim o shakel?! The tension between us got worse.. When I hear something, mathalan ina Jawa gayla shay 3annii, I would believe them..
One thing led to another, and soon enough we weren't friends anymore..
After that, me, 3anoud and Loujain slowly started drifting apart too.. Loujain men awal.. But that's another story..
I lost them as friends, but I gained other girls as friends, I gained also male friends.. Some who I now trust with my life..
One of them was Fayye. Me and Fayye were friends for some time min ayam me and Jawa were still friends, but as days went by, we became tighter and tighter.. So tight we would have conversations that would go late into the night.. My mother approved of Fayye, she liked her, kanaw eqashmiroun weya ba3ath over the phone and all of those sort..
Fayye never judged me in any way at all.. Instead she used to tell me that whatever made me happy made her happy, and she would back me up with whatever I decided to do.. With her I was really me..
I'm always me with anyone, bes lemma et9eer 7azat elfa9la, it's not the real genuine fa9la that it actually should be..
Anyway..
The day after I left Na9er, I remember surfing the web trying to find depressing songs - because theres something with our sub-conscience that tends to link every depressing song or situation to you; for example listen to a song about losing a loved one at war, if a part comes along and says I loved you so much, I can't believe you're gone; they're talking about death, but you linked it to losing you're significant other.. Unfortunately we're wired that way;p - I came across a song, that had me gasping to catch my breath.
I was standing at my dressing table, downloading whatever depressing song that came along, tears slowly crawling down my cheek, creeping into the creases my mouth made from the frown that was already formed on my face, and into my mouth..
I tasted my tears, the saltiness, and I wondered how I wasn't dehydrated yet..
I wiped my tears, looked at the puffy eyed, heartbroken girl I saw in the mirror, I looked her straight in the eye and told her;
"Maisa. Besich bachy. Etha el7mar lail7een ma dag 3alaich, 3ayal kilish ma haza ree7."
It is HIS loss, I thought to myself.
I was scrolling down the web page when I saw a title that interested me, I clicked on it and waited for the words to start pouring out of my speakers..
A nice easy beat started, and the title of the song was said over and over again..
"mmm.. Stupid in love.. Ohh.. Stupid in love.."
Rihanna's melodic voice said..
Not only is it called Stupid In Love, but Rihanna was the one who was singing it..
His favorite singer..
My breathing started to get heavy. My heart was heavy and my knees were weak. I tried to breathe but I couldn't, my head was spinning and I was getting dizzy.
I held on to the corner of my dressing table, I jabbed my fingers into the carvings at the edge hoping it would help keep me on my feet..
"Katie told me that this would be nothing but a waste of time....."
Right away Jawa came to mind, she warned me..
"and she was right.."
The chorus took it's part in the symphony of my heart..
"this is stupid, I'm not stupid, don't talk to me like I'm stupid in love, I still love you but I just can't do this, I may be dumb but I'm not stupid.."
Right then, every strength I had left in my knees that allowed me to still be up on my feet failed me.
The ground gave way for my body to collapse on it.
I was laying sideways on the ground, hugging my knees to my chest while I let out everything in me.
The tears I cried didn't look nor feel like normal tears, they were like jumbo droplets of water that usually form when you leave the faucet slightly turned on.
The song kept going..and I just laid there on the ground, shattered beyond repair..
"You don't know what you've lost, and you won't realize until I'm gone, gone, gone! That I was the one, which one of us is really dumb?" Rihanna asked
By then, I already started this story.. We were at the very beginning.. And RiRi was the inspiration to the title..
The song doesn't affect me anymore, not in the slightest bit..
Na9er was a phase, mar7ala min 3umry o 3adat.. Il7imdellah :)
All of you, every single one of my readers, now know exactly how I felt towards Na9er. What I used to feel, and what I DO feel now.
And so, I think it is only fair to let you know how I feel towards a couple other characters..
I'm going to start with Fayye;
Fayye, there's no words to describe how much she means to me. She's the first one I run to when something happens, shes my save haven. I know whatever I'm feeling, whatever I'm saying, it's all locked up tight in a safe, that's located in a tower, guarded by a fire breathing dragon that no one has ever defeated.
We've shared every tear and laugh since the day we met.
A7mid washkir rabby ebkil 9alah ina an3amnii eb a best friend like Fayye, le2na she's not only my best friend, she's my sister..
Fayye, if by any chance you're reading this right now, I want to thank you for everything you've ever done for me, for taking all the tears I've cried, and all the moments which obviously proved I should be thrown in the mental ward of a hospital:p but instead of just standing there laughing, you'd join me on my crazy adventures just to make it a memory that we could both share.
I truly, unconditionally, love you.
Jawa;
Jawa, Jawa, Jawa.. I know for a fact that you're reading this right now.. And honestly, I don't know where to start.. We've been friends for so long.. And to suddenly have everything yanked out from us wasn't easy on me.. It used to always be just us. You used to finish my sentences, you would know what I wanted to say before I even said a thing, you knew everything I did and didn't like..
It hurts to know that I don't share my life with you anymore..
Sometimes I wish I could just erase all the drama we encountered with the opposite sex.. Maybe then, we'd still be as strong as ever, if not stronger..
I miss you, and I wish you all the best, with everything, I truly do.
And I hope you know, that all the things I did, I did it for you, just so you could see what you truly deserved, not someone who constantly tore you apart.
Na9er;
I don't hate you, but I don't love you either.. You've made me so much stronger now than when I first met you. You gave me happiness at some point of my life, and I thank you for that, but its because of you, I know that not all guys are bad. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you, and I'll never forget the way you looked at me every time, especially when you told me you missed me.. I'll be here when you need me. I'm still your friend, just like I was at the very beginning of all this..
I know you'll never read this, but maybe one day you'll know.. Just like everybody else knows I'll always be there..
------
And with that, I end my story of being "stupid in love"..
Please, keep your heart locked up until you know for sure, whoever is unlocking it is worth it..
I never want any of you to get hurt like I did, because the pain is unbearable, and in a society like ours, love is rarely found. Every hormonal male in our society knows exactly what we want to hear, and so they feed it to us..
Always remember, you belong to yourself and no one else's; like Jessica Simpson said,
"I belong to me, I don't belong to you, I'm one not half of two, so if you're gonna love me, then you should know this baby, I belong to me"..
Your feedback is much appreciated, and I'll be waiting to see what you guys have to say about the end! :D
I'm sorry for taking long, but there you go;*
This is Q, leaving you with the end of Stupid In Love:)
My life in words for you to feel and relate to.
I love you all;**
Enjoy the rest of your summer!;*
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Stupid In Love. Post 19 & 20. (The Finale)
Friday, June 25, 2010
Stupid In Love. Part 17 & 18.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Stupid In Love. Part 16.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Stupid In Love. Part 15.
Part 15! :) Just for my loves! I hope you like it!:* It's not long, but it's the best I can do!
*-*-*-*
As I stood there, I felt something.. Something firm and strong make its way up.. Made its way up the side of my body, up my shirt.. It was Na9er’s hand..
He had his lips on mine, an arm around my waist, and a hand moving up my shirt. You know when you watch a movie? And it gets to a steamy part? And then the guy has his arm around her and his hand going up her shirt feeling every curve of her body and all that? Yeah.. That was it..
I quickly pulled away and moved his hand away from my body. I looked at him and he smiled, the naughty boy smile, the one that’s like I want you, that kind of smile..
Oh my God, that boy drove me wild in every way; from the way he talked, to the way he used to make fun of me. But because it was the reckless, carefree kind of thing that you only read in books, it was all good. I never thought I’d meet a guy like him, not once in my life; all I knew is what I read from blogs, and story books, and I was hoping one day I’d look around and I’ll find that story book love, and then, Na9er came along.. And I thought I found the story I want to live.
When he smiled, I looked at him, then slowly pulled my lips into a familiar smile.. One that had a story of a girl wanting to show the one she wants what he’d want and need, but wouldn’t.. A smile that teased him..
I know I know, I’m not an innocent angel. Sometimes teasing him makes me get what I want.
I giggled to myself, and he smiled at my giggles.
“Rikbay” he told me
“Arkab wain?” I asked acting stupid
“Elsayara, ba3ad wain?” he told me
“I’m not getting in” I said firmly
“ya3nii tabeen a7ed yishoufna chithii? 3adii?” he teased
“Ma7ed ra7 yishoufna, we’re kinda in a deserted place” I said
“Kaifich” he said and I smiled
I stood there and looked at him..
I finally got him..
Na9er is now mine..
All the tears I cried, everything I went through..
It was all worth it..
The boy is mine.
The BOY is MINE.
After the couple minutes of quiet, he broke the ice in a silly way, thinking of it now, I can’t help but laugh
“You can’t kiss” he laughed
I kicked him.
Yeah, I KICKED him!
“Akeed I can’t kiss! I don’t know how! Forgot you’re my first?!” I retorted
“Hahaha, yeah” he laughed
I said something that sounded so stupid!
“bes I know how to kiss!” I yelled
He laughed
“You kicked me, and told me you know how to kiss, now you kiss me, I kissed you, this time you kiss me, lets see what you can do” he teased
“I wont”
“You kicked me! You said you know how! I wanna see!” he snickered
“Mabii” I blushed
He laughed and just looked at me
He looked at me in a way I don’t know how to describe, something like, if could devour me, taste every flavor of my lips, my neck, and feel every curve of my body, he’d do so..
So I took a step back..
We were quiet for a bit..
He looked at the clock in his car..
“It’s getting late.. I think I should go, and you should go in, I don’t want your mother to call you wintay mu emsawya shay,” he ridiculed
“Yeah,” I laughed, “I better go..” I said
even though every emotion in me wanted me to turn around, kiss him so hard and then run across the street, where he can’t come after me..
“Deeray balich” he told me
“Kaaay!” I yelled and walked away
Ay deeray balich? A car almost ran me over, because I was staring at my phone, I was calling 3anoud, calling Jawa, trying to tell them what happened.
He was probably still standing there, watching me, I felt my body heat up, my neck burned and I felt beads of sweat forming. I kept walking like nothing happened. Then, I almost tripped over my own feet. Someone hit me with something!!!!!!!
I filled them in with everything, 3anoud’s reaction was,
“Now I want to have my first kiss!” she yelled and I laughed in response
The next hour or so was a hard core work out, feeling great, I was happy, I was smiling like a maniac, I was listening to up beat songs, I was over the moon..
It was pure, no strings attached joy.
I went home, packed up, and I was off to chalet.. It was time to see how the distance would do us both..
The distance..
Well..
It..
*-*-*-*
There you go!;) Part 15:) Not as long as part 14, but I’m really busy with school and everything:(
I’ll try posting a new post soon just for you guys!:*
I love you!
And good luck to you all with your finals! I know it’s hectic, but we’re almost done with this year baby!;)
Keep doing what you do best! Again, I love you!
-Q;*
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Stupid In Love. Part 13.
Okay okay! I can’t stay away for too long!;p So here’s part 13, I’ll try to make it longer.. but no guarantees.. :(
So here we go!:)
*-*-*-*
Like I said, when I gave up and started to watch my movie, my phone vibrated.. It was Na9er *melts*
“;**” said the message
“Hehe hii;*” I replied
“You looked nice;*” He told me
I started feeling all tingly, and giggly when I read that,
“Hehe 3ashanik;)” I told him
“;*******” I got back from him
As we kept watching the movie, it started getting very sad, and all three of us started crying, looking at each other, laughing at how we all looked, and cry again
“Thank God I saw you gabil this part” I sent him
“Haha leish?:p” He sent me
“We’re crying so much min the movie:$” I replied
“hahaha girls:p” He replied
As the movie came to an end, I paid attention to the movie other than my phone, and when we got out, I replied to him, saying that sure, we might be girls and we cry, but we have feeling o ina nir7am o en7is, unlike guys, and he laughed it off. He didn’t take it as an insult. That’s how it was with me and Na9er, cool, sweet, and everything I ever wanted…
We left the movie theater, and he called me
“7ubiiii!” He yelled
“Hehe hela” I replied giggling
“Wainich?” he asked me
“Tawna 6al3een min the movie theater.. Inta wainik?” I asked him
“Starbucks” he said
“Ohhh ma6ala3taw?” I asked him
“La2, ga3deen, ta3alay?” He told me
“We were heading that way anyway, hehe, I’ll see you in a bit” I told him
“5ala9 okay, can’t wait honey” he told me
Oh my Lord. Remembering him saying those words to me makes every strand of hair on my body stand, and every nerve in my body tingle.
We got to Starbucks and I saw him sitting in the middle of the café with 5alid. The way he smiled when he saw me, the way he looked around to see if some dude was following me, he really cared for me.. He really wanted me to be his.. He just never took the risk.. Not yet anyway..
We stood in line, when he saw we were safe, no guys behind us, and we were okay, he left. He sent me a message saying he left in case someone saw us upstairs he doesn’t want to give them the benefit of the doubt that we were meeting up, and he’d call me as soon as he gets in the car.
2 minutes later, he calls. I picked up.
We talked, and talked.. Laughed, and laughed..
“Jawa 3indich?” He asked
Remembering it makes my blood boil.
“Jawa, Na9er yabii ekalmich” I handed her the phone.
She pushed it back to me, and shook her head.
“Mabii!” she mouthed
Na9er insisted, so I told her to talk to him and get it over with.
They talked, ihya kalimta ib nafsiya.. When I got my phone back, he said he’ll text me, but we’ll talk later on the phone. We hung up.
“Shgal?” I asked Jawa
“He said that today was our one year anniversary of knowing each other..” She told me
I wanted to claw her face, my best friend or not, when I fall in love, I love, and I love hard.
We kept sending messages back and forth to each other – me and Na9er that is.
When I got home, he sent me a message saying that I had a “nice butt”. And I replied with “I know;) I’ve been told, you ain’t the first;)”. Then.. The next message I got had me jumping up and down.
“Hehe, I wanted to kiss you..”
“Why didn’t you kiss me 3ayal?!” I asked him
“Looool! There were people!:p”
“I don’t care! Next time you kiss me!(a)” I said
“Looool! Oki;p” He told me
“Hehe;$”
“I couldn’t look in your eyes..” was next…
“Hahaha!:p Laish ya3nii? Es7irouk?:p” I was making fun of him! I wasn’t being serious!
“Eeh, kind of..” he replied
“Ehehe;)” I answered
“;*”
After that, I left my phone inside my room, while me Jawa and 3anoud went outside and giggled like maniacs on my balcony.
Meeting numero tres is yet to come.. That one, I remember the freaking date of it, and every single detail of it. Let’s see what shall be your reaction once it comes around the corner;)
*-*-*-*
Part 13! :) Tell me what you think my loves xx
Goodnight xx
-Q
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Stupid In Love. Part 12.
Stupid In Love part 12 :)
This is dedicated to the one person that has been with me through hell. Sometimes I wonder where I would be without her standing by my side through the hectic times of my life. And in this point of my life, she’s the only one I can trust with everything in me. Thank you baby girl:*
Here goes;)
*-*-*-*
So, now you all know the first time I saw him. It was a couple days before that, or a week before that first meeting, that I slowly started getting feelings for Na9er.
I wasn’t allowed to fall for him. Okay, saying I wasn’t allowed is kind of harsh. I didn’t want to, well because he was my best friends’ ex. It’s not in the right place to do that. Put yourself in my place, or in her place for that matter. He was her boyfriend, she tells you some stuff he used to tell her or do to her, you start to either hate him, or like him. When he’s your man, and then he becomes someone else’s, you’ll start getting jealous about it all, he used to say something to you, now he says it someone else, he used to hold you and kiss you, now he does it to someone else. If he was yours, how would it feel? I know I would go crazy! I know that for a fact!
Also this was all planned out, it wasn’t meant for me to fall for him. I’ll probably be describing myself as a “call girl” in this next paragraph. Has anyone of you watched the series “The Secret Diary of a Call Girl”? Well she’s a call girl who’s writing a book about her life, and she has to go about her normal life doing what she does best and write it in a book, but when her editor tells her there should be another book, she has to start experimenting more. She’s not meant to fall for any of her clients. Her best friend fell for a client and is going to marry him, she was against it at first, but I guess it’s always the same, as long as she’s happy, you’ll be happy, right? Lets just say, Na9er was kind of a project of mine. Not a client. Like an experiment, I wanted to decode his thought and stuff, I ended up being like her best friend, falling for her client, but I fell for my experiment. Yes, I just described myself as a call girl. Way to go Q! :p
Okay, back to the second time I saw him, Jawa, 3anoud, and Me we’re going to “My Sister’s Keeper”, and he asked if he could see me.. I looked at them and told them what he said, Jawa’s reaction was the complete opposite of what I thought she’d say:/
“EEH EEH!! LET HIM COME!!!!!!” She yelled
“Um, okay.” I said and looked at 3anoud
“I don’t know. It’s up to the both of you” 3anoud said
“5ALEEH IYEE! GOLEELAH EEH!” Jawa said again
“Zain zain!” I told her
I texted Na9er and told him we’re on. I guess he was excited, because his texts then consisted of kisses o kalam 7ilu;p
In the car, Jawa pulled out her red lipstick and started applying it. Then, I didn’t know what it all meant, why she’s doing that, but I guess now, I know very well, and I should’ve known better then.. I asked her for her red lipstick and applied it too, I already had some thin eyeliner on, and the red lipstick went well with the contrast of my clothes.
I was wearing straight leg jeans, a blue polo shirt, and silver flats. I had my hair down and parted to the side.
Na9er wanted me to get him and 5alid two tickets so he could sit next to me in the movie, but Jawa told me not to since madrii shno 9ar wiyaha o some other dude.. Any way, I told him we were running late and couldn’t get him tickets. It wasn’t a lie! It was the honest truth! He told me that it was okay, and when he’d get there I can meet him outside the movie theater. I was okay with that, its Sharg, ya3nii who’s going to be there? Emna8ibat and hailag? I didn’t give a rats ass.
He sent me a text message telling me he’s outside, I informed Jawa and 3anoud, and I asked them if they wanted to come along with me, but they were so into the movie, they didn’t want to move.. I picked up my purplish blue Juicy jacket, took Jawa’s red lipstick, and headed to the bathroom. I admired myself in the mirror, thinking that I looked acceptable, something someone would want to stop and look at. I don’t mean that as being self centered, but as like maybe a boost of confidence before I head off. See I’m not really flattered with my body, my face, yes okay, my hair, absolutely, some of my features yes; but my body, no.. Like I described to you earlier how my body was, well yeah, I guess you understand.. Look, I have what I have been told “an amazing ass”, sure, sometimes it’s a compliment and a gift, but at other times it’s a curse! Remember this part, I’ll come back to it soon. Okay, I just went off track. So back to what I was doing; I gave myself one final look, swiped my index finger on my lips and headed to the door.
“Hii, I’m just going here for a second” I told the Indian clerk
“Okay” he said and handed me a pass
I saw him.. there he was.. poised, sitting on the railing, talking to someone on his right.. He was wearing a navy blue shirt with white shorts; 5alid was wearing a white shirt, with a white zipped up jacket, and a pair of dark washed jeans. I walked towards him and everything around me was quiet in my head all I could think was be nice, be charming, be good, 5alid is his hommie, so we have to impress him, you know what I mean? Like girls, you’d let your man meet your best friend, then you two would talk at what she thinks about him, is he lying or not, all those stuff; maybe guys do the same thing? I don’t know.. but if I have any male readers, please shed some light on us about that part!:)
“Hii” I said with a smile on my face
“Halaw” Na9er replied
“Hiiiiii!” 5alid said
“Hahah, hii there” I replied giggling
“Maisa, 5alid, 5alid, Maisa” Na9er said
“So akheeran I meet you?” I laugh
“Akheeran!” 5alid said and Na9er laughed
My God. That laugh.. You know when you have this vague memory of something and it rings in your head, but you just can’t out your finger on it, it’s fading away, you want it to stay, but you just can’t stop it? In my head right now, that’s how it is with his laugh.. I can hear it ringing in my head, yet I can’t put my finger on it to describe it to you.. All I can remember is that it used to be sooooo bubbly, and genuine! He wouldn’t laugh 3ala shay sakheef, but 3ala shay that was really funny, something worth laughing at..
“Ha Na9er, happy? 5alid is finally here! Maku missing him anymore haaa!?” I teased Na9er
“Hahaha! Shoufay shoufay! 9ar tan!” Na9er said and lifted 5alids’ sleeve to show me, “warha 5aloud” he told 5alid
“Akeed ba9eer tan, min 6 il 9ub7, lain 2 il thuher bil shams, ya3nii shbi9eer feeni?!” 5alid teased
We laughed for a bit, when all went quiet, I looked at Na9er, looked him straight in the eye.. He looked at me, then turned his face. When he turned it back at me again, he looked at me, smiled; he smiled his perfect pearly white smile, and winked. Akh that wink, those eyes, big almond shaped brown eyes rimmed with heavy dark lashes. I smiled, and wrestled my thoughts about whether I should or should not wink back at him, and in the end, winking won. To this day, I think I messed up the wink:p and when I remember that part, I tend to cover my face with my hands and laugh in hysteria at how stupid I might’ve looked.
“Okay.. So I guess I better go, ba3dain they start looking for me oo esawounlii mana7a inee ta2a5art” I rolled my eyes
“Hahaha, okay” Na9er told me
“Bye you two” I smiled
“Byyyyyyyeeee!” 5alid said
“Bye, deeray balich” Na9er told me
I turned around and walked away, a smile so big on my face, someone would know from a mile away Cupid was hanging around and struck me with his biggest love arrow, and now, I was love struck.
I returned the pass to the Indian clerk and walked in, I didn’t bother looking around, I walked in and out without as much as a single glance to who’s around. I strutted to my seat, and sat down, a smile so big the moon couldn’t shine brighter than my smile.
I looked ahead, and watched my movie, every few seconds looking down at my lap wondering if I got any text messages from him, something that would make this smile even bigger. When I gave up, and watched my movie, my phone vibrated..
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I hope you liked it! :) I know it’s been a while, and I’m sorry for that, but inshallah I’ll post more and faster than this time:)
Comment! Feedback is much appreciated!:)
Good morning Kuwait:) and I hope you have splendid Thursday! Enjoy your weekend, and love like there’s no tomorrow.
Love always;
-Q;*
Friday, March 5, 2010
Stupid In Love. Part 11.
Okay my loves;* This is part 11.. Wow, ma3qula we got to Part 11 in this short period of time?! El7imdella 3ala kil 7al o0 inshallah rabii ezeeyd wibarik:)
I first want to thank you all for the on going support, and standing by me when I need it most, words can’t explain how much I love you all:**
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Like I last said, Na9er finally called me.. After the long week of crying, he called me.
I sprang to my feet and went the corner in my room when I usually sit in when I want to have my private space.
“Aloo?” I asked
“Aloo. Maisa shlounich?” He asked
“I’m okay I guess..” I told him, “and you?” I asked him
“I’m good.” He said
I mm’ed to his reply, and waited for him to say something.
“So, is there anything you want to say?” he asked
This boy knows how to get the cat outta the bag:)
“Yes” I said
“Okay, what..” He said, and it didn’t even sound like a question! :/
“Na9er, I’m sorry I told you that, I thought you meant as in by phone bes! Ana shidareenii?!” I told him, “MSN and Facebook you know AKEED I’m going to have guys!” I said
“Why didn’t you tell me 3ayal?! I was honest with you and told you I talk to girls!” But he didn’t.. Because I didn’t ask him.. Coming for the fact that Na9er is sort of known for his never ending list of girls, I didn’t think I had to ask.. I knew the answer in the back of my mind I guess.
I guess half way through that, I started crying.. He could hear my breathing getting heavier, I was sniffling, I was wiping my tears as they ran down my cheek and my tongue occasionally snuck away and licked my tears.. I felt the salty tears come down, and I wiped them away. I didn’t want him to listen to me crying..
“Are you crying?” he asked me. I guess he was in shock?
“Yeah, what do you expect?” I told him
“Madrii” he said, “5ala9, haday.. Calm down and call me or text me” he told me
“Okay” I said in between sniffles.
I hung up, and went about doing what I had to get done. I calmed down and finished whatever I had to finish and I sent him a text message.
I don’t remember what I said at this very moment, but one thing led to another, and then another fight occured over the very same reason.
Il walad mayit 5ouf ina I’m going to hurt him in some freaky way! And he’s the one that’s known for being a complete jerk and an ass! Sorry for the language, but it’s just to show how bad he was.
See, I believe that people can change, Jawa on the other hand, doesn’t. She doesn’t believe that someone that was such an asshole can turn into someone different after being hurt the same way he hurt people. Na9er did. Everything she told me about him, as how much of a jerk he was, he wasn’t. 7a6nii bi3youna, he made me feel like I don’t need any one else in the whole wide world, I kept telling her that, she would say it’s all a fucked up act.
We’re all scared of getting hurt, who isn’t?! I guess after how badly he got hurt, he slowly changed.. I won’t say how he got hurt, well because if he suddenly reads what I’m telling you all, I don’t know what’ll happen.. So let’s just keep it like this:)
Any way. I told him I wanted to see him. I saw him twice before this time.
The first time:
I was supposed to see him with friends, I’d tell my mom bni6la3, and then when we do, nin7ash to somewhere where I can be alone with him.
Guess what. My so called “friends” ditched me. I had to go and make some lame excuse to my – lets just say chaperone:) – and it was all set. I’m seeing Na9er! :D
“Maisa, when you know if you’re going for sure, call me, ga3deenii, ana banam..” he told me
“okay, bes tig3ad!” I told him
“I will, if I don’t, keep calling” he ordered me
“Inshallah, night” I told him
“Night” he said and he went off to La La land..
Il walad ma ga3ed. I kept calling my whole ride to the movie theater. Texting him, calling, calling, calling. I finally gave up. There’s no point itha madrii how many times I called o ma ga3ad:/
I got my tickets, and popcorn and was on my way in when he called me.
“I’m sorrrrrry!!” he said
“La 3adii” I told him
“Wallah asif 7abeebtii! Wallah wallah!” He told me
La7tha la7tha. Min mita gam esameenii 7abeebta? I was in utter shock. You know when you like someone, and he calls you something affectionate, you get butterflies, and your in a daze of flying sparks. That happened. And I had the goofiest smile on my face.
“Na9er, wallah it’s okay..” I said again, “Are you coming?” I asked him
“Whens the movie?” he asked
“Umm, in like, uh, it started” I giggled
“Walain. Yallah ana yayich! I’ll be there in 15 minutes 7ubii” he said
“Mu lazim if you can’t..” I told him
“La, I can. I want.” He told me
“Okay..”
“Are you alone?” He asked me
“Thaba6t nafsii, don’t worry, just come if you wanna come. Bes none of the girls ma3ay..” I told him
“Okay, ayeech brou7ii 3ayal” he said
“Okay, kaifik..” I told him
“Bes ou9al, adizlich message, okay?” he said
“Okay, bes a5af maku service..” I said
He asked where I was sitting and I told him.
To my luck, AKU SERVICE INSIDE! :D
I texted him to inform him there was service, he told me he was on his way..
I remember how I saw him come up the stairs and sit next to me and say the first hello I heard in person. My heard pounded. It went a million beats per second. I smelled him for the first time. I wish I knew what his perfume was, but to this day, I don’t.. I loved how he smelled. The smell of smoke and perfume combined..
Even though Na9er was only 16, he was a heavy smoker. Smoking made his tough days better, wila chan he would go crazy.. I never tried to stop him la2na itha he got cranky o mada5en, ana akilha..
That was the first time I saw him.. And it’s still more vivid than the second time..
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Part 11:)
I hope you liked it, I’ll tell you about the second time I saw him in the next post:)
Inshallah I’ll try to make it more vivid, but as I’ve been writing at night, they’re bad posts;p I’m sorry(a)
I love you all! :*
Yours truly,
-Q;*
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Stupid In Love. Part 10.
Hii my loves, I’m writing this at 1:30am, not my usual writing time, and my mind isn’t set in the right moment.. I’m writing this to keep you all involved in my life.
I’m sorry that I have neglected you lately, I’m sorry I haven’t been replying to your comments, or any of those things; but my life has been spiraling downwards instead of being a stairway to heaven. Things are ranging from family problems like fight with my mother, to stress of school which is causing me to break down every once in a while.. I hope you understand and can stand by me while I try to fix things and get them back in order. I’ll be continuing and posting parts as much as I can, but if I don’t post for a while, and leave you all hanging, please understand that it isn’t my choice, that things have just gone out of hand at that point..
Any way, here’s part 10:)
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Like I last said, Na9er was jealous. Yes, my picture made him jealous.
See, my picture was of me in a tank top, A7med liked it, he liked it A LOT, stating that he liked my cleavage and that he had a thing for “big boobs”, and being Na9er’s cousin, and practically inseparable before that summer, he knows him pretty damn well, if you know what I mean..
“What’s your problem?!” I asked Na9er
“Nothing!” he typed
“Mu ma3qoula nothing! Wtf is your problem?! Seriously!” I was infuriated! Who was he to be throwing fits at stuff he didn’t even have a say in?!
“This is my problem!” he said
“What is?!” I asked, “stop speaking in codes and just come out and say it!”
“Stop putting provocative pictures of you as your display pictures!” he told me
“Winta shaku?!” I told him
“3ashan kil il shabab ishoufouna?! That’s why you’re putting them as your dp! I know!” he told me
“Shaku shabab?!” I told him
“Your ex! He won’t see?!” He asked me
“La2, he won’t see! La2na the only way I talk to him is when my friend invites him into a convo!” I yelled
“Eeeeee 9a7!” he told me
“You want to get on my email ba3ed to check?!” I told him
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.” I read
What the.. Who the hell is he to say he wants to get on?! I just said that as a way to show him I have nothing to hide, not to literally allow him to get on my email and see whom I talk to and what not, my own mother doesn’t do that!!
“Fine! Here’s my password *$&%()#&%” I gave it to him
“Bes inta shaku who I talk to?! You’re acting like you’re my fucking boyfriend when all you are to me is my friend! Shilee 7arak about who I talk to?!” I asked, yeah, I got the nerve to ask him that, can you believe it?!
“You’re right..” was what he replied to my statement
“No, get on, I have nothing to hide!” I yelled
“La 5ala9 mabii” he told me
“Okay.” I said
that was the last thing we told each other on MSN that night..
I talked to my friends, I talked to his cousin, it was all good.. I got off and went to bed without as much as saying “Goodbye and good night” to him, just poof! Offline:)
Later on, another fight occurred, honestly, I don’t remember what, but if my memory serves me right, about that same ex..
Na9er accused me of lying, saying that I told him that I only talk to him and his cousin, which is true when it comes to phone! Come on, I’m in a mixed school! I have facebook, I have MSN with my classmates and previous classmates on it! Inshallah mu nawii amsa7 all the guys that were like brother to me 3ashan siwad 3youna?!
You wanna know what happened..?
I cried, I cried for a week, I cried everyday when I got home after school.. I’d lock myself in my bathroom, turn on the shower, sit under the shower head, hugging my knees and let the water rush down on top of me. My tears would blend in with the hot water and so I didn’t feel them coming down. I cried until my breaths were like 2 seconds apart from each other..
I kept sending him messages, apologizing, saying he had a point, saying that I thought he meant on the phone, and not in general.. He ignored.. or he’d say okay..
Until at one point, he finally called..
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How many of you readers has witnessed love, or has fallen in love? Felt it? Lusted for it? Craved for it from your crush? Craved it from anyone at all, including your own mother or father.. To those of you who haven’t, do you think you know love? Honestly, I think I have fallen in love, but to this day, I don’t know if it’s what you call love, or just attention..
They say love is an intense feeling of deep affection, that’s the dictionary meaning anyway.. But what’s the true meaning of love? I’ve heard it’s when you feel butterflies, when everything around you feels like a dream when you’re with them, when their voice makes you smile, when, when, you have no words to explain what you’re feeling.. That’s what I’ve heard, that’s what I felt with Na9er.. Yet after many failed attempts, and many, many heartbreaks later, I realized, I don’t want to fall in love, not until I know I can spend the rest of my God forsaken life with that person, to start a family, to make everything okay, once and for all..
Sometimes love doesn’t always work out.. I know that for a fact, as someone I know married the one they loved then, and now is getting a divorce, even when their parents didn’t approve of them being together, they fought to be together, and now that they were together, being together was hard, they don’t want it anymore, and so, the big piles of divorce papers, and dividing everything has started, lets just thank the lord that no kids are involved in this..
Okay, I think I went off track.. Just answer my question if you may.. What is love to YOU?
Part 10! :)
I hope you liked it!:) I know I sort of when off track at the last part, and it isn’t a long post, but hey, it’s late, the sand man has finally gotten to his job and is making me sleepy..
Please don’t hesitate to contact me, in anyway possible, either via twitter, email, or even on here!:) I promise I’ll try to get back to you all as soon as I can, if I don’t, please understand and be patient with me..
I love you all to bits, you’re the only ones that are keeping me going at this very moment;*
Again, I love you;*
Until next time;
Stay safe my loves;*
-Q
Monday, February 22, 2010
Stupid In Love. Part 9.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Stupid In Love. Part 8.
Part 8! Enjoy;)
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The next 15 minutes were all about that crab, basically running around after him/her, trying to get a picture of Mr. Long eyes:p but little did we know.. The real hysterics is yet to come later that night..
We headed back to my shalaih, panting from running, and laughing at how each of us looked. We went up the steps and quickly ran to my room as the shalaih was ice cold.
“Heater! Heater!” I screamed as I ran into my room
I clicked the button on my air conditioning unit and changed it to heater.
“Okay, aku three bathrooms, I'll use my parent's, and one of you can use mine, withanya can use the guest bedroom. Who wants here, o0 who wants there?” I asked them
“Mu muhim! Lets shower bes!” Jawa said
“Okay, nagaw!” I said
“Lets shower in your bathroom taking turns..” Jawa said
“Okay, 3ala ra7atkum, mno first?” I asked, “ana a6awil..” I said sticking my tongue out
“Me too!” Jawa said and raised her hands in defeat.
“I'll go first ya3nii?” Basma said
“Kaifich..” We said
More contemplating and talking about who goes first, and we ended up all cramming ourselves into my shower – we were fully clothed with our bathing suits – taking turns on who uses the shower head first.
“Waaaaaaaaai3! Sha3rii kila ramil!” I screamed
Jawa laughed at my expression of disgust.
“Ee, ni6ray! Al7een bikoun ib sha3rich ba3ed!!!!” I yelled
“Waaaaai3! Ka feeeeee!!!” Jawa yelled
“Allah ma yirtha ya bgaraaa!” I retorted
Basma was the first to finish, she left the bathroom with a towel rapped around her bathing suit fitted body, and walked into my bed room to change.
Me and Jawa on the other hand, well we spent maybe up to another 20 to 30 minutes in the shower, washing out the tiny little grains of sand in our heads.
“3a6eenii il body soap please..” Jawa said
“Here, o0 smell it, it smells amazing! I got it yesterday lemn ri7t Il Kout wiya mama..” I said
“Allaaaaah! It smells amazing!” She yelled
“I know 9a7?!” I said
“Yeaaaah!” She squeezed the purple creamy shower gel onto her palms and started spreading it on her body, in between her bathing suit and body, and on her bare body parts.
“Hand it over please..” I said
“Here” Jawa said handing it over
I squeezed some onto my palm and she went,
“Mayouuuuus! Waiiii3!”
“Shfeech?!” I said confused
“Aku sand in there..” She said looking at me, wanting me to understand without saying the word
“In where?” I said again
“In makutiiiiiii!!!” She said and laughed
“KAAAAAK!!! Umbay, inshallah ana maku!” I said
a minute later, I started laughing
“Hem anaaaaa!” I laughed
Me and Jawa started laughing in unison as we each tried to clean it out. Apparently, il ga3da ib wis6 il ba7ar, o0 playing with the sand did that. Those little sand grains snuck in our shorts and bikinis and rested in the only place they could find. Our butts. :)
We made sure we were clean of sand infesting body parts and left the bathroom laughing. I pulled out my pink Calvin Klein panties, and white La Sanza bra.
“Digeega, barou7 albis my undies bil 7amam o0 arid” I said smiling
“Okay” Smiled jawa
I went into the bathroom, and wore my underwear, I rolled on some deodorant, sprayed on some perfume, flipped my hair and gave it a shake, and went out.
“Okay, I don't care if you guys see me in my underwear, so deal with it.” I smiled
“Haw, Mayso 3adii, we go through everything together, ana 3adii!” Jawa said
“Me too, I don't care” laughed Basma
I got out my yellow Juicy Couture sweats, and white Polo t-shirt, and got dressed.
“Maisa, do you have extra sweats? All my clothes ilee I got are kesh5a.. Kila nas 3indina, fa I didn't get anything casual..” Said Basma
“Me and Jawa are the same size, gadich?” I asked
“Ooooh, no” she said, “5ala9, 3adii..”
“Are you sure? You can try it on..” I told her
“La 5ala9, 3adii..” Basma said
“Okay, 3ala ra7tich honey..” I told her
We each got dressed and went out, passing by the kitchen for some juice before heading out. I grabbed some banana milk, while Jawa got some mango juice. Basma on the other hand, got just water.
“Na9errrrrrrrr!!” I yelled. Ironically, my little brothers' name is Na9er. Nice isn't it? Yeah yeah, it's a common name. Whatever.
Il muhim, I called him and asked him for the Rhino key.
“Ma3a Jassim” He told me
“Il mifta7 wiya Jassoum?” I asked
“Ee, digay 3alaih, ohwa bara bil mal3ab wiya il shabab china..” He said
“Ee, okay.” I told him
We started walking towards the mal3ab, and ma wa3aina ila inshouf shabab yil3iboun kura, o0 buggiat all around. I looked at Jawa and she wiggled her eyebrows.
“Siktay!” I stuck my tongue out, “These are probably my brothers' friends” I told her
“Akhhhh, 7asafa” she pouted.
“Jassimmmmm!” I yelled
Jassim, wild 3amii, o0 he's a little boy, so no worries here. :)
“Haaa?!” I heard him yell back
“Ta3al please” I said
and he came jogging towards me
“Haaa, shfeech?” he asked
“Abii mifta7 il Rhino please..” I said
“Ni6ray” he told me, “Zayouuuud! Yeeb mifta7 il rhino!” He called out to Zaid ithaher, o0 Zaid kuber Na9er o5oy, his sister is one of my good friends.
“Hach!” he handed me the key and ran off.
“Okaaaaay, thank you” I said sarcastically.
“YEEEAAAH!!!” I said and ran to the drivers side of the Rhino, Jawa to the passenger, and obviously, Basma jumped in the back.
We drove like maniacs for a bit, then Na9er texted me..
“Hii(: Can I call you?” it read.
“Heyy! Sure I guess, but I'm with Jawa..” I replied
“3adii, ba3day 3anha shway;)” he replied
“Mmm, okay;p” I replied
“He wants to call.. galii aba3id 3anich, bes I'll be right next to you” I winked to Jawa.
“Good!” Jawa winked back
“Yalla, call..” I texted him 3 minutes later.
We talked and talked.. We just laughed, and talked about random stuff, honestly now, I don't remember what we talked about, but I remember this significant part that made Jawa want to strangle him.
“Jawa tadrii inich t7acheenii?” he asked
“Nope, bes I'm planning on telling her tonight..” I told him
“La2, don't tell her!” He said
Haw, shfeeh mayabeenii agoulaha? I asked myself..
“Why not? She's my best friend, o0 I tell her everything..” I told him
“Ee, she didn't tell you about us..” He said, but little did he know that she did..
“Okay, she didn't, bes I can't keep this from her, maybe she doesn't want us to talk?” I told him
“Don't tell her.. I know she's going to be pissed, a3arif Jawa 3adil” he said
In my head I said, “7abeebii, mat3arif shay, lounik t3arif chan you would know this was all planned out..”
“Mmmkayyy..” Was all I said.
“Mayouuus! Sakray il phone o0 ta3alay!” Jawa yelled
“Na9er, I'm sorry, I gotta go, Jawa's calling me, she's on her way over here..” I told him
“Oh, okay, deeray balich 3ala nafsich” he told me
“Will do! You too!” I told him and hung up.
I ran to Jawa and told her what he said
“7maaaaaaaar!!!! He know's me?! Fuck himmmm!! He doesn't know me at all! Tell him you told me! Tell him I knew all along!!” She yelled, “Wallah la adig 3alaih al7een wagoul inee a3arif kil shayyy!!” She was pissed..
“Jawooo! La2!! The whole plan will just turn into one big problem!!!” I told her, “5aleeh! I'll say I told you LATER! NOT now!” I told her
“Okay okay..” She calmed down
We walked back and forth at the length of the shalaih before we decided to get my dog and take him for a walk
“Hii 7abeebiii!” I called out to him and his tail started wagging
“Woiii! Eshawig!” Jawa said
“Hahaha, he's big 9a7?” I laughed
“Uff!” Jawa said
“Yala 7ayatii, ta3al” I told him as I unhooked his leash from the nail in the ground.
I started walking him, and the shifts started.. Me, Jawa, then Basma, then I take him back for the night.
Right now, in this very moment, sitting here and writing this.. I wonder, why did I even want to talk to Na9er then? And now, I realize, it was the attention I was getting from him then, I was something not known to him, something he probably wanted.. Kil mamnou3 mar3'oub;) So I was something mamnou3 to him, something he couldn't get.. And so, he was giving all the attention I wanted, and that pulled me in.. Unfortunately, we can never turn back time and stop what we did before, we can only learn and grow from it..
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There you go.. ;)
Tell me what you think, and like I said, inshallah a Valentines post;)
PS: I'm now on Twitter! Follow me! http://twitter.com/queenofmyhoodx
I love you all!!!!
-Q
