Stupid In Love - Epilogue
With much anticipation.. Here you go.. It might sound a little out of track at times, but once you get through it all, you'll understand:)
Here we go.. xx
After Na9er, a lot of things changed.. Both for the better and for the worse..
I lost a love, but I gained a friend. I lost friends, but I gained so much more friends, and I gained strength. I gained the ability to believe in myself more.
I lost Na9er as my lover, but I gained him as a friend. Sure, I miss how we used to constantly text and call each other, but he still calls me at random times, and I still text him at random times too.. Na9er's voice still has a strong affect on me. It gives me tingles and butterflies that are like shock waves throughout every inch of my body.. But el7imdallah, I have something called self control, asta7mil nafsii o kil a7asisi le2ana our friendship is important to me.
Remember in the very beginning of the story, I told you about the time I saw Na9er with Jawa and 3anoud? And how I wish I knew then what I knew now? Well yes, everything between me and Jawa came spiraling downwards a few months after Na9er..
It came up to the point of my birthday, Na9er forgot my birthday, tithayegt.. I'm not going to deny it and say that it didn't matter to me, because it did.. His birthday was still a few months away but I still remembered it and I would call or send him a message at the least saying happy birthday! Wela etha ma gedart, at the least I would get my ass up and wish him a happy birthday via MSN.. I told Jawa, I told her he didn't wish me a happy birthday, and she told me to ignore him, he's not worth it, mu lazim a7arig a39abii o ajra7 nafsii 3alaih..
"you're right.." I told Jawa, "mashkoura 7abeebtii, wallah madrii shasawii bidounich!" I pouted and hugged Jawa
"Hahaha! Shda3wa 7abeebtii!" she hugged me back and kissed my cheek
I didn't expect shit from Na9er after that.. Because when you get your hopes up, they always - well not always, but most of the time - they get shattered.. So I didn't talk to him, I didn't need to talk to him.. It's not like I'm going to get a birthday kiss, or birthday sex, or anything at all from him :)
But two days after my conversation with Jawa;
Na9er;* says: hey, Happy Birthday, I'm sorry I didn't tell you the other day but I was going through a lot of shit
M says: hii, thanks, don't worry about it:)
Na9er;* says: kk
Goul wallah? That's it? I would at the least expect you to say sorry one more time Na9er!
I told Jawa, actually I copy-pasted the conversation to Jawa.
"Ashwah, galich. L2na ana zafaytah, I told him that even though you're not together he should at least have the decency to wish you a happy birthday!" she told me
Welaw ma yet min Na9er ebnafsah, it still felt like something, so I thanked Jawa, she knew how to make things better, 7eta etha kan shibir bes..
But back to how things started spiraling downward..
Jawa was with someone, but that's a whole other story, and its not for me to tell.. Its not my story or secret.. Its hers.. O e7tiraman laha, I'll just state the points where it had us in a jam..
The first time ever that someone saw me, he told Jawa that he thought that I was hot.. He shouldn't have said that, because as a girl, ra7 ykoun feeh gheera! It's only natural! Also, he brought his friend along with him, so it wouldn't be awkward with the 3 of us.. His friend was "tikana" or more like thijeel, mu ebsir3a e6ayi7 elmiyana.. You get what I mean?
Well guess what? Within 10 minutes he was laughing with me and we were joking around! I'm like that, when you get to know me, you'll see I'm not how people put me!
Later, as time went on, we found out he was cheating on Jawa.. I didn't like it, AT ALL! I kept pressuring her to leave him.. Because she deserves someone so much better! I guess Jawa took it the wrong way.. She slowly stopped telling me about what was happening with them.. I used to find out from 3anoud.. Elbint makant tadrii enii makint adrii.. But I acted like I knew everything..
Honestly, I got sick of that; aren't I your best friend?! Wela kan bes esim o shakel?! The tension between us got worse.. When I hear something, mathalan ina Jawa gayla shay 3annii, I would believe them..
One thing led to another, and soon enough we weren't friends anymore..
After that, me, 3anoud and Loujain slowly started drifting apart too.. Loujain men awal.. But that's another story..
I lost them as friends, but I gained other girls as friends, I gained also male friends.. Some who I now trust with my life..
One of them was Fayye. Me and Fayye were friends for some time min ayam me and Jawa were still friends, but as days went by, we became tighter and tighter.. So tight we would have conversations that would go late into the night.. My mother approved of Fayye, she liked her, kanaw eqashmiroun weya ba3ath over the phone and all of those sort..
Fayye never judged me in any way at all.. Instead she used to tell me that whatever made me happy made her happy, and she would back me up with whatever I decided to do.. With her I was really me..
I'm always me with anyone, bes lemma et9eer 7azat elfa9la, it's not the real genuine fa9la that it actually should be..
The day after I left Na9er, I remember surfing the web trying to find depressing songs - because theres something with our sub-conscience that tends to link every depressing song or situation to you; for example listen to a song about losing a loved one at war, if a part comes along and says I loved you so much, I can't believe you're gone; they're talking about death, but you linked it to losing you're significant other.. Unfortunately we're wired that way;p - I came across a song, that had me gasping to catch my breath.
I was standing at my dressing table, downloading whatever depressing song that came along, tears slowly crawling down my cheek, creeping into the creases my mouth made from the frown that was already formed on my face, and into my mouth..
I tasted my tears, the saltiness, and I wondered how I wasn't dehydrated yet..
I wiped my tears, looked at the puffy eyed, heartbroken girl I saw in the mirror, I looked her straight in the eye and told her;
"Maisa. Besich bachy. Etha el7mar lail7een ma dag 3alaich, 3ayal kilish ma haza ree7."
It is HIS loss, I thought to myself.
I was scrolling down the web page when I saw a title that interested me, I clicked on it and waited for the words to start pouring out of my speakers..
A nice easy beat started, and the title of the song was said over and over again..
"mmm.. Stupid in love.. Ohh.. Stupid in love.."
Rihanna's melodic voice said..
Not only is it called Stupid In Love, but Rihanna was the one who was singing it..
His favorite singer..
My breathing started to get heavy. My heart was heavy and my knees were weak. I tried to breathe but I couldn't, my head was spinning and I was getting dizzy.
I held on to the corner of my dressing table, I jabbed my fingers into the carvings at the edge hoping it would help keep me on my feet..
"Katie told me that this would be nothing but a waste of time....."
Right away Jawa came to mind, she warned me..
"and she was right.."
The chorus took it's part in the symphony of my heart..
"this is stupid, I'm not stupid, don't talk to me like I'm stupid in love, I still love you but I just can't do this, I may be dumb but I'm not stupid.."
Right then, every strength I had left in my knees that allowed me to still be up on my feet failed me.
The ground gave way for my body to collapse on it.
I was laying sideways on the ground, hugging my knees to my chest while I let out everything in me.
The tears I cried didn't look nor feel like normal tears, they were like jumbo droplets of water that usually form when you leave the faucet slightly turned on.
The song kept going..and I just laid there on the ground, shattered beyond repair..
"You don't know what you've lost, and you won't realize until I'm gone, gone, gone! That I was the one, which one of us is really dumb?" Rihanna asked
By then, I already started this story.. We were at the very beginning.. And RiRi was the inspiration to the title..
The song doesn't affect me anymore, not in the slightest bit..
Na9er was a phase, mar7ala min 3umry o 3adat.. Il7imdellah :)
All of you, every single one of my readers, now know exactly how I felt towards Na9er. What I used to feel, and what I DO feel now.
And so, I think it is only fair to let you know how I feel towards a couple other characters..
I'm going to start with Fayye;
Fayye, there's no words to describe how much she means to me. She's the first one I run to when something happens, shes my save haven. I know whatever I'm feeling, whatever I'm saying, it's all locked up tight in a safe, that's located in a tower, guarded by a fire breathing dragon that no one has ever defeated.
We've shared every tear and laugh since the day we met.
A7mid washkir rabby ebkil 9alah ina an3amnii eb a best friend like Fayye, le2na she's not only my best friend, she's my sister..
Fayye, if by any chance you're reading this right now, I want to thank you for everything you've ever done for me, for taking all the tears I've cried, and all the moments which obviously proved I should be thrown in the mental ward of a hospital:p but instead of just standing there laughing, you'd join me on my crazy adventures just to make it a memory that we could both share.
I truly, unconditionally, love you.
Jawa, Jawa, Jawa.. I know for a fact that you're reading this right now.. And honestly, I don't know where to start.. We've been friends for so long.. And to suddenly have everything yanked out from us wasn't easy on me.. It used to always be just us. You used to finish my sentences, you would know what I wanted to say before I even said a thing, you knew everything I did and didn't like..
It hurts to know that I don't share my life with you anymore..
Sometimes I wish I could just erase all the drama we encountered with the opposite sex.. Maybe then, we'd still be as strong as ever, if not stronger..
I miss you, and I wish you all the best, with everything, I truly do.
And I hope you know, that all the things I did, I did it for you, just so you could see what you truly deserved, not someone who constantly tore you apart.
I don't hate you, but I don't love you either.. You've made me so much stronger now than when I first met you. You gave me happiness at some point of my life, and I thank you for that, but its because of you, I know that not all guys are bad. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you, and I'll never forget the way you looked at me every time, especially when you told me you missed me.. I'll be here when you need me. I'm still your friend, just like I was at the very beginning of all this..
I know you'll never read this, but maybe one day you'll know.. Just like everybody else knows I'll always be there..
And with that, I end my story of being "stupid in love"..
Please, keep your heart locked up until you know for sure, whoever is unlocking it is worth it..
I never want any of you to get hurt like I did, because the pain is unbearable, and in a society like ours, love is rarely found. Every hormonal male in our society knows exactly what we want to hear, and so they feed it to us..
Always remember, you belong to yourself and no one else's; like Jessica Simpson said,
"I belong to me, I don't belong to you, I'm one not half of two, so if you're gonna love me, then you should know this baby, I belong to me"..
Your feedback is much appreciated, and I'll be waiting to see what you guys have to say about the end! :D
I'm sorry for taking long, but there you go;*
This is Q, leaving you with the end of Stupid In Love:)
My life in words for you to feel and relate to.
I love you all;**
Enjoy the rest of your summer!;*